Software update

I was playing on my phone first thing this morning (before doing morning pages, or meditating, or cold-plunging, or writing this) typically a recipe for a crap day BUT! I got a notice on my phone that it was due for a software update.

I followed the channels to make that happen and when I landed on the page where you start the process it read “software update: fix bugs, enhancements, security updates” and I thought, “What if we could do a software update on ourselves? What would that look like?”

I’ll go first:

Fix bugs. I’ve noticed lately that I’ve been living with a serious lack mentality. I’m SO LUCKY to have this, and SO LUCKY to have that. And to some degree, I am. (See people with actual problems: like no fresh water, or food, or those silicone nip covers that allow you to go braless.) But you can take SO LUCKY too far sometimes. This might look like settling for less pay than you’re worth, settling for less relationship than you’re worth, or not trying stuff because, “Nah, what’s the point?” I dunno. Joy? SO LUCKY can rob you of taking a chance on something that might end up being really cool for you, SO LUCKY can leave you settling (shutter), SO LUCKY can actually be a lie. A lie that infuses a lot of meh into an otherwise insanely fulfilling and gorgeous life, which not only benefits you but everyone in your orbit. SO LUCKY, therefore, can actually be selfish. (Judo flip!)

Enhancements: My friend Nell texted me the other day to tell me that she was teaching strength training at this really cool gym I’ve always wanted to try. I’ve been compulsively going to yoga these days, which is great, and my practice is benefitting, but it’s not super balanced, and NGL, I’d love Madonna arms, so I decided to incorporate some weights into my fitness routine, which will allow me to confidently rock sleeveless things, and also kick the shit out of bad guys. (I secretly dream of kicking the shit out of bad guys for some reason…well, I know the reason…see next item ; )

Security updates: No more fuckers! My recent history included some real a-holes who I never properly unleashed on because I was afraid. First of all, I hate being afraid. It makes me angry. Second of all, there was a power differential, which I also hate. Third of all, bullies suck because they know the power differential is unfair, but they use it to their advantage because it’s a cheap win, and they are sniveling little weasels. (Yep. That’s a judgment. A harsh, piercing judgment that I stand by. I recently saw a meme that read something like: sometimes thinking a person is an a-hole doesn’t mean your inner a-hole needs addressing, it just means that person is an a-hole.) What I learned from this is to trust my instincts instead of immediately considering myself wrong or mean or judgmental. I thought my instincts were glitchy, but often the glitch was my swift dismissal of them. Not anymore. Now when I get hit with an instinct: [there’s ick-energy in this room, why did her eyes just flicker? was that an insult? control-freak much?] Instead of trying to talk myself out of it, I get curious and protect that inquiry like a Faberge egg. (And I’m usually right.)

Okay, your turn.

Ask yourself what your software updates might be…and tell me if you like!

I’m SO LUCKY this f-off-first morning proved to be beneficial. (Makes air quotes with Madonna arms while believing all instincts.)

Peace

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